Showing posts with label Miscellaneous. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Miscellaneous. Show all posts

Sunday, November 18, 2018

My Father's Father


I wrote the following for my dad on his birthday a few years ago.

I didn’t know my grandfather well, so I don’t have many stories to describe him. But I do have words, feelings, and memories. I remember his warm laughter, echoing throughout whatever home he was in. And when you heard his laugh, you knew that he was smiling. Even now I can picture is smile, broad and welcoming, eager to appear, waiting for someone to tell a joke.
I remember sitting on his knee. He smelled like a grandfather should, like peppermint and coffee. He would hold me there while we sat in the kitchen, all the other adults talking about things that I thought were boring. He would keep me entertained by whispering funny jokes in my ear. I felt safe and loved. I felt like I was the only grandchild in the world, even though he had several.
I remember all of his toys. The house was full of them. The railroad set that took up a whole corner of the basement. The pinball machine from the sixties that actually worked, and didn’t cost a thing to play. The Pepsi machine in the garage that didn’t work, but I thought was neat anyway. The clocks that populated every room, ticking the seconds and chiming for the hours.
I remember him visiting us in Texas, and watching him marvel at the beauty of our home in the woods. I watched him take in the beauty of something I took for granted everyday, and hoped that one day I would be like him and appreciate life every second.
I remember him teaching me words in Polish over the phone. We would have conversations in Polish, and I remember most of the words he taught me to this day, more than I ever let anyone know, because it was like a secret language between the two of us and I want to keep it that way.
I remember the way he would hug my dad, and put his arm around him. I couldn’t wait until I was tall enough for my dad to do the same to me. The three of us could stand around and tell jokes and smile. I can picture in my mind a photograph of all three of us, arms on shoulders, smiling, my grandfather’s smile the biggest.
I remember when we lost him, and how hard we all cried. It was the first time I ever saw my dad cry. But I was glad, because then I knew it was okay for me to cry, too. I wished that I had one more time to sit in his lap.
I see him at times when my father smiles. I can still hear him laugh. I am grateful that I knew him, for however short a time it was. And I am grateful that my father is so like his father, because both of them have taught me how to be a better man.

Saturday, August 4, 2018

The Ring


Twenty-five years I went without a ring. I'm not much for jewelry. I flirted with a class ring, mostly because everyone else was doing it. I didn't like it. I wore it only sporadically, eventually not at all.

Then I took her hand in a small chapel with only our parents there, and we exchanged rings. There were tiny silver daisies on hers. They are her favorite flower. Mine was inscribed with ancient words: "I am my beloved's, and she is mine."

It helps me to remember I am no longer one body, but two. I am no longer my own. If I ever was my own at all.

It was annoying at first, having this band on my finger. I touched it, picked at it, moved it up and down my finger. I couldn't stand it. But I wore it to remind myself, to remind the world. I am no longer my own.

Only two years have passed, but now I feel my ring even when it is not there. Now I rub my finger where the ring should be. I do not feel complete without it. It is a microcosm of her. I do not feel whole when she is not near. I don't need the ring to remind me of this, but it is a good example.

I have felt God near a handful of times, just a few. Maybe that is all we get.

I remember that I am not my own.

When you see love that is sacrificial, a life poured out for another, God is near. There's no formula to make it happen, no way to predict it. But when you've felt it, the feeling never leaves you. You long for it again and again. You don't feel complete without it.

I absentmindedly reach for the ring and think of her.

I've spent my entire life reaching for something because I feel incomplete. Lately it's been the right things.